THERAPY FOR COUPLES

Couples therapy offers a supportive and structured environment for partners to address relationship challenges, improve communication, and strengthen their connection. It provides a safe space for couples to explore issues such as conflicts, intimacy issues, and communication breakdowns with the guidance of a trained therapist. Couples therapy is rooted in the belief that relationships can be improved through understanding, empathy, and effective communication skills. Therapists work collaboratively with couples to identify patterns of behavior, explore underlying emotions, and develop strategies to promote healthier interactions and a more fulfilling partnership.

The Gottman Method of couples therapy, developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, is one of the most well-known approaches in the field. Inspired by decades of research on relationship dynamics, the Gottman Method focuses on enhancing friendship, managing conflict constructively, and creating shared meaning in relationships. The method is evidence-based, drawing on extensive research findings to inform its strategies and interventions. Studies have shown that couples who engage in Gottman Method therapy experience significant improvements in relationship satisfaction, communication skills, and overall relationship quality. For example, research has found that couples who complete the Gottman Method therapy report lower levels of relationship distress and higher levels of relationship stability compared to couples who do not receive therapy or engage in other forms of couples counseling.

These struggles include communication difficulties, conflicts over money, issues with intimacy and affection, differences in parenting styles, and disagreements about household responsibilities. Additionally, they have found that betrayal, such as infidelity or broken trust, can significantly impact relationships and lead to ongoing challenges. But infidelity does not always mean the end of the marriage. In fact, many marriages work through their issues and grow to develop even stronger and more intimate relationships after infidelity, when addressed openly and honestly with the intention of resolving the conflicts.

The Gottmans emphasize the importance of addressing these issues openly and constructively to promote understanding, empathy, and resolution within the relationship. By addressing these common struggles through effective communication, empathy, and conflict management skills, couples can work towards building stronger, more fulfilling partnerships.

The "Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse" in relationships, as identified by John Gottman, are patterns of behavior that can predict relationship distress and potential dissolution if left unchecked. They are criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.

1. Criticism: This involves attacking your partner's character or personality rather than addressing a specific behavior. The antidote to criticism is to express complaints or requests for change in a gentle and constructive manner, focusing on specific behaviors rather than making global attacks on your partner's character.
2. Contempt: Contempt involves expressing disdain, disrespect, or superiority towards your partner. This can manifest through sarcasm, mockery, or hostile humor. The antidote to contempt is to cultivate appreciation, respect, and fondness for your partner. Expressing gratitude, admiration, and kindness can help counteract contemptuous attitudes.
3. Defensiveness: Defensiveness occurs when one partner feels attacked or criticized and responds by denying responsibility or deflecting blame. This can escalate conflict and hinder effective communication. The antidote to defensiveness is to take responsibility for your actions, validate your partner's perspective, and respond non-defensively by listening empathetically and seeking understanding.
4. Stonewalling: Stonewalling involves withdrawing from communication or shutting down emotionally as a response to conflict or stress. This can leave the other partner feeling abandoned or dismissed. The antidote to stonewalling is to practice self-soothing techniques to manage stress and overwhelm, while also communicating with your partner about the need for a break or time-out if necessary. Returning to the conversation when you are calmer and more receptive can facilitate productive dialogue and resolution.

Couple's therapy is not always accessible to everyone, but if you and your partner are concerned about your relationship and wish to schedule an appointment to work through any issues, you can schedule an assessment session to start with. The first session is an observation session where I will get to gather some background information about each of you and the history of your relationship. Following this initial session, I will alternate between individual sessions with each of you and then conjoined sessions where we discuss the struggles you're having in an honest, guided, constructive and supportive manner. 

Just like any kind of treatment, workout, or practice, some sessions will feel super easy and fun, and others will feel more demanding, and as long as you commit to the whole process, you are more likely to have positive outcomes for your relationship. 

You can request an assessment session by contacting me here.